One Big Laugh (149)

This was the best thing i've done in comedy since I started 17 months ago.

The whole event was brilliantly organised and hosted by Michael McEwan and Mac Star who defied time and space by bounding around with continuous enthusiasm and energy.

Had a long train journey up from London *4 and a half hours*, went to check in at the hotel and made my way straight out to the venue and introduced myself to mac - he looked knackered, and was drinking a frijj milkshake - I thought he could have done with something with a little more pep. He tells me that because of no-shows, and unfilled spots, he'd been on stage close to 10 hours. I nearly volunteered to go on... because i was tired, i didn't say that. I might have regretted it.

There were about 10 people there at 5pm, and I got the chance to see Grant do his first stand up set in 2 years. I was impressed, didnt look like he'd been away for 2 years, but then again, i've never met the guy before. He did a joke about BA which I thought was funny, so I decided to do a similar gag later on.

I decided to fuck off back to the hotel to get a couple of hours kip, as I wasn't supposed to be on until 10 to 11. I wasn't gonna tell mac this for fear he may have tried to kill me. On the way back i bought some green stripey socks to wear for the gig.

I headed out again to the venue for 9pm. It was packed, lots of laughter, great atmosphere. I met Michael who was in good spirits - Grant was still there, only a bit more pissed than earlier, and someone was on stage, scottish - i cant remember names, there were lots of scottish acts - and they were all really rather good.

I spotted hazel and went over to chat with her. Ian Munro had driven them both down, it had taken about 84 hours to drive, but they both seemed in good spirits. Hazel goes on and does about fifteen minutes - the audience, though rowdy seem to really like her and she gets a good response to her more "smutty" material.

Some more acts come and go, and then because Gaz from Manchester (?) doesn't show Mike tells me i'm up next. Mike introduces me as all the way from down South in England... I go on and say 'im not from england, im from middlesbrough', which gets a good laugh - Grant then yells 'Do the BA gag.' So I explain to the genuine audience members about the situation, and proceed to to the gag - it gets a big laugh. It will be the last time I do this joke, shame.

I witter on for a bit, then get stuck so decide to shout to Hazel and ask her if she knows any good knob gags. She says no, and i laugh in surprise, cut my set short and decide to get off stage.

I enjoyed it, i did OK, but maybe should have stayed on for longer. Mac and Mike both say I can go on again later, something which I plan to do, but eventually don't.

Lots of acts follow in the time that I stayed there (until 2am), these are a couple of my highlights...

Michael reading out Grants material from 2001 So You Think You're Funny, whilst Grant falls off stage and breaks the mic stand.

Alan Anderson dismissing claims that he is unpopular by giving out strawberry's and cream to the audience.

Bruce Devlin dealing with a persistent heckler stood right next to the stage 'ooh no, he's goona stab me in the cunt, fuck off you speccy four eyed twat' (you had to be there) before walking off to boos, and then going back on again to cheers and opening with the line 'right who watches television?' (you had to be there)

Rob & Skatz singing 'its a shame you have a glass eye when you're blind in the other' (genius).

Rhiannon and Laura doing some bizarre alien sketch - made the audience shut up.

Me, on stage asking hazel if she knew any good knob gags.

That performance poet in a white shell suit, looking like some kind of nuclear inspector (what was that all about)

That comedian who came on and said 'GIMME A C', the crowd shout 'C', and he says 'i was thinking of the caspian'.

It gets to 2am very quickly - I chat to Jo Jo Sutherland for a bit - she's in high spirits after doing a gig with Des Clarke who did that joke. I steal half of her last cigarette before deciding to go home. Mac asks me to come back in the morning, and I assure him I will be back about 830am.

I wake up at 10am!!!! My train is at 10:30 - i quickly pack up and leg it to the station just in time. As I leave, I feel mightily guilty especially after getting back and reading that Mac lost his voice at 6:30am and desperately needed acts. Sorry mate.

This was a great experience. To all the acts who were booked, but didn't turn up, shame on you...

I realise later that I'm now part of a world-record attempt. I'll report to Guiness head office in the morning in my best jeans and shake the hands of the ghosts of Roy Castle and Noris McWhirter; and we'll all have one big laugh about it. Thanks lads.

Thlads.