lost passions (happy-sad)

Many years ago I experienced something very special. So special, i've not experienced anything quite like it since... but although that moment is long gone, now at this very moment my feelings towards this special time is suddenly dragged right back into the present as I make a discovery which makes all those memories flood back.

Its a short sharp shock, and its affected me

I'm experiencing happy-sad. you know when you discover something genuinely good which involves someone you were once so close to? yet you feel sad because that particular person is no longer there, nor involved in your life anymore - yet you are happy because that person is living life to the full, and has the very best in security and happiness

I am a daft ambiguous bastard who needs literary hugs to keep him going.

Please send a stamped addressed email with your empathetic prose.

I'd been opening some recent gigs with talk about wanderlust. It's something thats really got me captivated - i love the idea of it, combined with spontanaiety that you can just fuck off anywhere, see the world, do stuff and just generally be at one with life, almost zen-like.

I spent 23 years living in Middlesbrough, moved away with work to live in Bridlington, worked away in Oxfordshire for a bit, before moving to London in 2000.

I've mainly had wanderlust for heavily concreted areas.

Places with lots of pubs in the square mile of the town or city.

With poor numeracy and literary standards...

... there was a shop in Middlesbrough called 'Wilderness Ways' which specialised in the retail of camping paraphinalia... One January they had a sale and placed bunting outside with a big sign saying 'Now is the winter of our discount tents'...

... and that's all I knew about Shakespeare before I went to University...

Anyway,

Now wanderlust has been brought home to me in the most beautiful way - seeing images of an almost forgotten love after a gap of many years, so happy and content with life - but more importantly doing stuff, has ignited feelings of happy-sad, yet I'm still feeling quite sanguine.

God what an emotional artichoke.

So I've decided to make some radical changes in my life...

I'm going to do something lifechanging tomorrow...

I'm going swimming.